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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I'm not a join-er?

I can only assume that being a twin mom is certainly a little different than mothering singletons. For example, I spent the months prior to giving birth trying to figure out how to have enough contraptions (bouncers, jumpers, exersaucers, boppys, carseats, strollers, etc.) so that I would always have a place to put my twins, so that my hands would always be free in case one baby had an emergency. The babies didn't seem to mind, and in fact, seemed quite happy all of the time.


My twins do many things at the same time. This includes, teething, pooping (yes, they nearly always have bowel movements within minutes of each other), eating, bathing, and many milestones seem to happen within days of each other, and I'm looking forward to many more.


However, they've had individual personalities from the beginning, and now that they've reached their 1-year mark, Sienna's already toddling around, and Sophie's still scooting (she doesn't crawl traditionally, but scoots on her bottom) alongside her sister. Sophie loves her pacifier and Sienna doesn't care about it other than at bedtime.

I embrace having twins. Many days I dress them alike, mostly because I think it's funny and it's also just easier to buy two of everything. I'm not even put off by the incessant attention we receive when we are in public. I can only liken it to walking around with a celebrity. At first it was a little off-putting, but seeing babies really seems to make people happy. Only occasionally will I get an obnoxious reference to a creepy Jack Nicholson thriller with a scary pair of twin ghosts.

Despite all this I eschewed joining the local chapter of the Twins Club. Since pregnancy people have basically harassed me about joining. They'd tell me it's "incredible support" and that I'd need it. But I felt like if I got a night out, I'd prefer to spend it having dinner & a drink with some real friends, trying to feel like a human being for just a couple of hours. Once I was accosted by two separate Mother of Twins while standing in line at Trader Joe's . One turns to me and says, "are you a member of the twin group?" To which I replied, "I'm not really a join-er."


Hmmmm...I'm "not really a join-er"????? I never really played a sport, joined a sorority, or the like. It's not as if I walk to the beat of a different drummer, but in some ways maybe I thought I wouldn't be good enough? Who knows, I'm not a psychotherapist, but I just knew I was sick of all these women bothering me about their group.

Here's what I pictured: A bunch of post-partum women, sitting around the basement of a church, drinking coffee (this part I like), and complaining about how they never get enough sleep, and how their husbands never help.

Fortunately, I had no such issues (okay, maybe I'm a little tired and my back always hurts), and have always felt that misery is quite contagious.

Fast forward 12 months, and I realize that mothering twins can be quite isolating, and your long-time girlfriends rarely bring their kids to play or invite us over. Who can really blame them, we're a handful. I was convinced by another mother of twins to JOIN the group. Not for the meeting or support or any of that business, but to get into the Twin Tag Sale a whole two hours earlier than the general public! It was totally worth it. Additionally, I opted to join a playgroup with other twin moms and their kids. I think that I'd misjudged the group.....from what I hear, they seem to be welcoming, kind, informed, supportive, and a wonderful resource for new twin moms. Maybe I am a join-er!

1 comment:

  1. I like that your main motivation to Join was shopping - classic. :)

    ReplyDelete